Adjusting to London - chapter 4

It’s a lot easier to complain on my blog than to be happy.

I had a good weekend. I went out a few times, and actually returned home at night. No one harassed me on my way home and I didn’t even feel too scared. This, for me, is a big deal, because when I first got here I would never go out after dark. I’d spent too much time working in sensitive-security zones where we had a max. 9pm curfew. It was also a big deal because I wasn’t going to a scheduled event, I was actually with people. In other words, baby steps, baby steps… I’m starting to adjust. But, I repeat, baby steps.

What it did, though, was remind me of the difference between casually greeting someone, and actually getting to know someone. Making friends is a process but it also requires real effort on the part of the participants in the relationship. As an aid worker, friendship happens approximately the same moment you shake hands for the first time. You know that you are thrown into an intense situation together and you will be spending a lot of time together. So, while you surely don’t know everything or even a mentionable percentage about the other person at the end of the first conversation, it’s entirely possible that you might be pouring your heart out early on in that chat. Of course, this is not always good, but it is what it is.

Turns out that that’s not how we do things in London. We small talk first, then we small talk some more, then we talk about theoretical things that don’t involve our personal lives. I am not really sure, but I like to think that eventually we pour our hearts out?

All this to say, I’m realising I need to restrain myself. If I try to make a first conversation into a meaningful conversation, I might freak someone out.

But here is my question… what if they too are longing for a bit of a more serious chat? What if they don’t need more small talk in their life, but they do need a friend? With that person, am I allowed to cut through the vagueness? Well… even if I am, I don’t know how to figure out what that other person needs. After all, it’s only small talk.

But yeah, a good weekend. Baby steps are nice.

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  • http://beinghappygirl.blogspot.com happygirl

    It is tough, this friend making journey. I’ve always been a fan of the quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Sometimes, when I have a deeper issue I need to talk through, I as permission. This lets the friend off the hook regarding “answers.” Sometimes we girls just need to hear ourselves talk. All the best to you. :)